farters have to be the big spoon...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I FOUND THE LEGS
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
