dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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