guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
