Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
