i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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