are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
