im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
