I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
