im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
