i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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