I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
