How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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