i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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