She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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