i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
