Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize