I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
