I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
