I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
