so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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