Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
