i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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