Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
