the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
