I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
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