I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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