can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She even gives head with a lisp.
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Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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