ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
