if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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