Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
