How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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