I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
