6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
