dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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