Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
