you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
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he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize