D3 body, D1 cock
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
