Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
