Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
