I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I need moral support for this bender
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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