I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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