Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid