I think my vagina is haunted
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I can feel your judgement through the phone