please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much