Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
