Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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