i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
