Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
its liver damage thursday
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
