At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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