White coat. Heels.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
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it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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