Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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