GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Come share oat with me in your robe
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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