google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
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