I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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