i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
