Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
