the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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