I'm jealous of your bromance
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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