I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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