3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
