you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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