I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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