so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
