i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
