You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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