Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
