I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
