he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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