i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
