He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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