"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
