you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just tell him i said nine months
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
