Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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