my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
