hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least