somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
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We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
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Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic