I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom