i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.