I think I won the penis lottery.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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